


What Can I Say? (I'll Try to Be Better)

by AmbroseRivers



Series: The Things You've Said. [10]
Category: Sander Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Could be read as a romantic Roman/Virgil, Loss of Trust, panic/anxiety attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 00:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13581882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbroseRivers/pseuds/AmbroseRivers
Summary: Things You Said After It Was OverOr: The Aftermath of Roman being in favor of Lying and Virgil's breakdown after Deceit's reveal.





	What Can I Say? (I'll Try to Be Better)

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had to write something after this video because it kept niggling at my mind so here we are. Heed the tags and the warnings but just in case...  
> These are your WARNINGS: Panic/Anxiety attacks and manipulation by Deceit.

“Get out.”

Roman hesitated, wincing at the powerful push of Virgil’s influence.

The invisible shove against his torso made his blood quicken and thud painfully against his veins.

His gloved hand rested on the doorknob, twisting it and letting it go uncertainly, so a metallic clink echoed in the silence that stretched between them.

Virgil was situated on a bean bag in the corner next to his bed, back pressed against the wall tightly. His eyes flicked over the other’s face rapidly and his hands trembled as he pulled his headphones down until they rested against the nape of his neck.

(They were the ones Patton had gotten him…the ones that glowed violet to match the slight purple tint that seemed to linger in his hair and Roman’s heart clenched.)

Virgil’s chest rose and fell choppily, air whistling through his lungs in a high note, as he stared at Roman with eyes that betrayed just how affected he really was.

“Virge…”

Roman’s tongue swiped across his lower lip because for all his grandeur…the only option that had come to mind when Virgil had fled after Deceit’s reveal…had been to apologize.

He should have known. There had been signs that Patton was just a bit off- his words dripping with a sweetness that was just a bit too sharp, his movements a bit too clumsy like a puppet being pulled by strings, and the most telling of all: the flattery of Logan.

Patton adored Logan. That was a fact, but he enjoyed riling his stern counterpart to no end and when Deceit had been acting as Patton…there hadn’t been an endless stream of puns.

He should have seen it, but he didn’t, and he had played right into Deceit’s hands, urging Thomas to spin a tale for Joan...despite Virgil’s surprisingly adamant insistence that it was a bad idea.

_Why don’t I listen? I know that, sometimes, I’m in the wrong so why?_

Maybe then, he wouldn’t be here with Virgil, who looked as if he was unravelling and ready to fall apart at the seams.

“Save it, Princey.” Virgil spat at him, fingers digging into the surface below him. The beans inside of the smooth fabric shifted at the action and Virgil’s breaths came even faster. “I—” His other hand came to clutch at the front of his worn ripped t-shirt where his collar bones met. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“Virgil,” Roman said his name with a sad resignation, heart pressing against the underside of his ribs, but his feet stayed glued to the threshold. “You need to breathe. In for four, hold for seven, and out for eight, remember?”

“Don’t tell me what to do—” That deep reverberation that came when Virgil was too worked up pressed against his windpipe painfully and his squeak of surprise was cut short.

Virgil brought his knees up, making himself even smaller, and Roman took a step into his room because what else could he do when his voice was sealed away?

_It’s okay. Just breathe._

He tried to envision the words drifting to Virgil but his influence didn’t allow him to call forth the words for inspection like they would for Logan… and he couldn’t call forth emotions like Patton.

Virgil trembled as strained, muffled sobs clawed their way out of his throat. His hand shielded Roman from line of sight and Roman’s fingers clenched at his side helplessly.

_“Oh, look how well you’re doing.”_ Deceit’s amused words permeated his mind and Roman tensed at the intrusion, hissing. _“At this rate, he’ll be calm in no time, hmm?”_

He wanted to scream, to growl, to make a sound- _any_ sound- but with Virgil’s fear sealing his voice away…he couldn’t.

_“He’s one of you, isn’t he?”_

Roman dug his nails into his palms at the suggestive whisper, at Deceit’s dark giggle, and hatred washed over him, enveloping him in a cloak of fire.

It was Virgil’s whimper that wrenched him from the inside of his head and Deceit’s hold.

_Virge is one of us._

Roman flexed his stiff digits, closing his eyes, and forced the magic writhing against his fingertips to coalesce into the shape he needed. He kept his eyelids glued shut even as the solidified insect turned this way and that before leaving him entirely.

_He’s apart of us._

Roman heard the harsh breath Virgil took and there was nothing for a couple of fluttering heartbeats but eventually a steady stream of air broke through the blood rushing through his ears.

“He will always be better than you, Apate.” Roman growled, words raw and feral. “So, get out of my head. You won’t find an ally here.”

_“That’s my name- don’t wear it out, Princey.”_

Roman’s eyes snapped open and he made a slow beeline for Virgil who was staring at the smoky grey and charcoal butterfly opening and closing its wings in a steady rhythm, gritting his teeth. He wasn’t going to listen to the lying asshole invading his thoughts _anymore_ \- Virgil was more important than him.

Virgil would _always_ be more important to him.

Roman kneeled on his right knee a few feet away, taking care to not crowd Virgil, and he stayed quiet as the other continued to suck in forced breaths, holding them, and releasing them in a tempo that matched the flapping of the butterfly's wings.

Eventually, the rate of Virgil’s breathing slowed to a calm, soundless whoosh with only a slight stutter, but he kept his mouth shut until the small trails of eyeshadow his tears had washed down his cheeks dried.

Roman ran a hand through his hair, biting his lower lip. He couldn’t stand the silence anymore and if Virgil wasn’t going to be the first to speak…he would have to be the one.

That didn’t mean he knew what to say.

“Are you…better?”

“You saw lying as a game, another performance,” Virgil rasped, ignoring his question, as he cupped his hand. He tried to slowly inch his way towards the butterfly but it rose into the air, dodging his attempt to directly touch a shimmering wing. It hovered contentedly above his nose, unfazed by its close proximity to his face. “It’s not, Roman.”

“I’m sorry, Virgil.” Roman shifted so he was sitting on his rear, knees drawn up to his chest. “I really am.”

“I know,” Virgil murmured and the butterfly swooped to land on his nose and Roman watched Virge blew out a gentle breath.

His eyes were glassy and red-rimmed. Roman ached to give him a hug, or to hold his hand, but he kept his twitching muscles frozen because he knew that Anxiety didn’t like to be touched when he was on edge.

“I know, but it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t think it’s okay, and the fact that you considered it until he had you act out those scenarios…” Virgil’s lips barely moved as the words tumbled from him and Roman stilled his breathing to hear the nearly inaudible confession. “…I’m not sure I can trust you and that scares me.”

His heart shattered, crumbling into fine dust, but he merely nodded in acceptance. He couldn’t change how Virgil was feeling…he could only take Patton’s advice and try to be courageous and honest in his interactions henceforth.

The heavy atmosphere settled on their shoulders and Roman shivered, hugging his knees tightly.

“You should go,” Virgil reached up to shoo the butterfly away but it stayed put, tickling his palm with its wings. “You’ve been in here too long.”

Roman nodded as he rose to his full height quietly, rubbing his shoulder to loosen the tight lump of muscle there.

“I’ll…”

_I’ll be here if you need me._

The comforting platitude died on the tip of his tongue. Who was he to offer sanctuary when he was the one who had caused Virgil to be so upset?

He cleared his throat as he turned away from Virgil, taking quick, strides to the door.

 “…Patton is across the hall and Teach, too. They might be able to help.”

“Roman…”

“I’m really sorry again, Virge.” Roman repeated, refusing to look Virgil as the pads of his fingers rested against the wooden frame separating the hall from his room. “I’ll try and be better.”

_"I’m sure you will."_ Deceit’s sneering timbre bounced against the confines of his skull.

Roman bowed his head and shut the door, sinking his teeth into his lip to keep the stinging there at bay.

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted to my Tumblr: loveinthebones.


End file.
